Friendship 201

A couple years ago I wrote a short and sweet post called Friendship 101. 

Thought it was time to take it to the next level, looking at what Jesus says friendship should be. 

Firstly and most importantly, Exodus 20:3-6 “You shall have no other god before me.”

Putting your friend before Jesus in your life will never end well [it’s a real thing. I know this from experience]. No friendship will ever be good for you if it is more important to you than your relationship with Jesus. That’s because no one can be everything to us that Jesus is; no one but Him can fill the gap. Boy, but when Jesus has filled your heart and is the foundation of your love for people, you will find such sweet friendships, crazy cool gifts from Him.

James 5:16 “Confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed.”

This is not confessions like in a booth with some guy you’ve never met; this is about being real with each other. You don’t have to tell every second person your deepest fears and struggles, but you do need one or two Jesus-loving accountability buddies [and in general do be real with people]. Keeping your struggles to yourself is like shaking a Coke bottle: eventually it’s gonna explode and it’ll be messy. But when you take the lid off and share it, a lot of that pressure and tension is released. God says there is healing and wholeness in sharing our lives with Him and with a friend. Friends that you can pray with are the best! Be that friend.

James 1:19 “Be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry.”

It’s not about solving all of your friend’s problems; it’s about walking with them through the storm, fighting beside them and praying with them. Listen to them and love them, even when you don’t understand.

Proverbs 27:6 “You can trust a friend that corrects you.”

Ephesians 4:15 “Speak the truth in love.”

God gives us friends to sharpen us, to help us stick to His road. Sometimes our vision gets clouded and we lose sight of what is good and important and we need someone outside of us to clean our windows so we can see again. Sometimes that cleaning can hurt a little and not be nice to hear, but boy do we need it! Don’t try and run over the people cleaning your windscreen. Rather listen to them, pray about it, and change what is needed. Know His truth so you can speak it in love. A friend who sharpens you is a gift from Jesus. Be that friend.

Colossians 3:13 “Forgive as Jesus forgave you.”

1 Corinthians 13:5 “Love keeps no record of wrongs.”

If you have a list of bad things people have done to you, where they have failed you, please go and burn it right now. If it’s a mental list, ask the Holy Spirit to wipe it from your memory. Unforgiveness kills more than shark and bear attacks put together, and probably hurts more too. It strangles your soul, destroys your friendship and leaves no room for God’s forgiveness to give you life. To quote Frozen, “let it go, let it go..”, but please don’t turn your back and slam the door. Pray for that person. Ask Jesus to use you to love them. He will.

Real life story: A friend disappointed me. I wanted to write them off and ignore them to “make them pay”. Instead Jesus grabbed my attention and I felt to pray for my friend. Not prayers about how they had made me sad, but prayers for their life and family and things they were dealing with. So I did. The next time I saw them, as I looked at them I felt such an insane amount of love for them [had it been a musical I would have broken into song right there]. Not because I’m a special, loving person, but because God’s love for that person and His forgiveness for me overwhelmed me as I let go of the hurt and let Jesus in.

If Jesus can do that in me, He can do it in you too. Let it go and let Him love you. Then love people like He loves you.

There is so much to say about friendship, but before this turns into a book, let me just leave you with this thought:

“Greater love has no man than this: to lay down his life for his friend.”