An Unknown Future

In less than 9 days I will be getting on a plane and moving to the USA for 6 months. I will know only one other person in the whole big state of Texas; and as it stands today, I don't even know where I will be living, what I will be driving, what I will be working on. There is a lot of unknown happening right now—which if you know me, you know is not remotely my comfort zone. But as I think about all the unknowns, one of my favourite, foundational quotes comes to mind:

"Never be afraid to trust an unknown future to a known God." - Corrie Ten Boom

In this, even in the midst of the unknown, I find His peace.

Peace because He has a plan and a purpose for me:
> Jeremiah 29:11 — "For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."
> Psalm 139:16 — "All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be."
> Isaiah 42:6 — "I, the LORD, have called you for a righteous purpose, and I will hold you by Your hand."

I don’t need to make up a big plans and to-do lists for my life to have meaning, because God has already planned the whole thing out. I haven’t slipped through the cracks. God has me, He's written my story and knows my every day.

Peace because God is bigger than me:
> Proverbs 16:9 — “A man’s heart plans his way, but the LORD determines his steps.”
> Isaiah 55:8 — "For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,” declares the LORD."
> Isaiah 14:24 — "The LORD Almighty has sworn, "Surely, as I have planned, so it will be, and as I have purposed, so it will happen."

I can't mess up God's plan for my life; I can't take away His control or sovereignty by my silly choices. Yes, I may add in some detours or I can make things a little harder for myself and learn lessons the painful way. But when I realize that God is going to accomplish His purpose for my life whether I come along willingly or kicking and screaming, it becomes easier to act and decide and go. With the Lord determining my steps, when I step out in faith, I can’t go wrong.

Peace because God has always provided and always will:
> 2 Corinthians 9:8 — "And God is able to bless you abundantly, so that in all things at all times, having all that you need, you will abound in every good work."
> 2 Peter 1:3 — "His divine power has given us everything we need for a godly life through our knowledge of him who called us."
> Luke 12:24 — "Consider the ravens: They do not sow or reap, they have no storeroom or barn; yet God feeds them. And how much more valuable you are than birds!"

All the resources of the world ultimately are within God's hands. He is able and willing to provide us with all we could ever need— physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually. The provision may not be exactly what we want or think we need, but I know He will always provide everything we need to get through whatever struggle we find ourselves in.

So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.” - Matthew 6:31-34

It all comes down to trust. Do I trust God to know what’s best for my life? Do I trust that He will continue to pave out the road beneath my feet while I just keep on putting one foot in front of the other, even when I can't see it for myself? Do I trust him for the big and small in my life? As I learn to trust Jesus more and more, I find I am experiencing more and more of His incredible, pervasive peace.

It’s hard, but I hope, like me, you are learning that Jesus is worthy of all of our trust, always.

Want To Worship

Today when I asked my mom if she was going to take our dog for a walk, she replied, "I don't really want to." My auto-response to this was: "It's not about what you want, but about what you need to do." Because #FitLife is good.

But then the conviction hit me— how often have I not prayed, or read my bible or worshipped because the feeling and the want just weren't there?

And I know that I was made to worship him, through the good, the bad and the ugly of life. I know that I need to praise Him in the storm, in the valley, and in the hurt. I may not want to or feel like it, but I believe it is so crucial that I do.

The bible speaks of this often:
2 Corinthians 6:10 “Sorrowful, yet always rejoicing…”
Philippians 4:4 “Rejoice in the Lord ALWAYS, I will say it again: Rejoice!”

God even commands us to rejoice in our trials (James 1:2-3), not because of them, but because the trials are crafting us into the people that God wants us to be.

As much as it is in our broken human nature to sulk and complain, instead we need to lay our worries at the feet of Jesus, and ask Him to give us a heart change and to show us His hand in the midst of the struggle. It's not at all easy, but I do believe that when we focus on God and all His splendour, grace and glory, it is kind of hard to stay in that dark place of negativity, sadness and/or frustration.

"Why, my soul, are you downcast? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise Him, my Savior and my God." Psalm 42:11

I love a good little list, so I came up with 3 notes to self to remind myself in the moments when the want to worship or wait on Jesus isn't there. Nothing ground-shaking, but sometimes it's just the simple truth that we need most.

1. Honesty is the best policy
God already knows. Don't waste time trying to fool Him. Don't try and fake it til you make it with God. He sees your tiredness and apathy and lack of desire. And even still, He loves you dearly and longs for you to be with him.

Come open and honest. Tell Him about about the dullness and coldness of your heart. Get real with Jesus and ask Him to help you worship. Ask the Holy Spirit to breathe life and work in your heart and enable you to feel joy, awestruck wonder, and longing for His presence.

2. Trust that God is at work
Don’t focus on all the problems and frustrations of today and on the shortcomings of your own hear, but instead turn to God with faith and trust that He will meet you, and change you into the person that He wants you to be. Phil 1:6 tells us that we should be"confident of this very thing, that He who has begun a good work in you will complete it until the day of Jesus Christ." God is still at work. We are not a finished product. But open your life up before Him, soften your heart and let the Potter shape you and make you more like Jesus. Let Him renew your heart and mind and re-align your desires, including the want to worship God, to His heart.

3. Cling to the truth
Just because I'm feeling something, doesn't make it true. We need to learn to differentiate our feelings from the truth. Come back, again and again, to the Word and promises of God. This is one of the reasons why I believe learning the Word off by heart is so important— when I don't feel xyz, I can remind myself of what is real and true in the scripture of God. Here are just a few of the promises to hold onto when the feeling is gone:

1 Chronicles 29:11 — Our God deserves the greatness and the power and the glory and the majesty and the splendor, for everything in heaven and earth is His. He is exalted as head over all.
Jeremiah 29:13 — When we seek Him with all our hearts we will find Him.
John 6:35 — When we come to Jesus our thirst will be satisfied.
Psalm 63:3-4 — His love for us is better than life and draws us to glorify and praise Him.
Psalm 34:15,17 — When we pray He will answer us.
Matthew 28:20 — He is always with us until the end of time.

When you praise God and lose yourself in His presence (even when you don’t feel like it) you will find that your worries, fears, and whatever might be holding you back will slowly fade away like fog in the early morning.

Let's praise God for all that He is, and rather than focusing on the struggles of life, let's focus on His awesome glory, grace, and His unparalleled, unwavering love for us. In that, maybe we'll find the want to worship Him always.

I am Israel

It's so easy to read the adventures of the Bible and think that those people were so lame or silly or "I would never...". But they were human and so are we. Because of that, we are bound at some stage of our lives, in one way or another, to make the same mistakes as other human beings, including good old Israel. So much so, that the chapter title of 1 Corinthians 10 is "Warnings From Israel’s History" and verse 6 says "Now these things occurred as examples to keep us from setting our hearts on evil things as they did."
In light of that, I think it's good to take my judgemental lenses off and instead turn that spotlight and microscope inward, put myself in their shoes and learn from their mistakes as I try to not make them myself.

A psalm that goes through multiple mistakes of the Israelites is Psalm 78. As I read through, I found that, in some way, shape or form, each and every failure and short-coming could be applied to me. I am just like Israel.

Here are a few of the highlights (well perhaps we should call them lowlights) from the Psalm:

v8 “A stubborn and rebellious generation, whose hearts were not loyal to God, whose spirits were not faithful to him.”

v10-11 “They did not keep God’s covenant and refused to live by his law. They forgot what he had done, the wonders he had shown them.”

v22 “They did not believe in God or trust in his deliverance.”

v32 “In spite of all this, they kept on sinning; in spite of his wonders, they did not believe.”

v34-37 “Whenever God slew them, they would seek him; they eagerly turned to him again. They remembered that God was their Rock, that God Most High was their Redeemer. But then they would flatter him with their mouths, lying to him with their tongues; their hearts were not loyal to him, they were not faithful to his covenant.”

Sadly, these verses have shown to be true too many times in my own life. I have been and often am stubborn and rebellious and forgetful of God's hand and goodness. Despite God endlessly proving himself to be sovereign, powerful, all-knowing, so good, and more than enough, I have forgotten and tried to go at it alone. In spite of his works and redemption and hand in my life, I have still sinned.

But thanks be to God, who is gracious, merciful, compassionate, kind and slow to anger (Exodus 34:6). Thankfully, the psalm doesn't just stop there. It says in verse 38: "Yet he was merciful; he forgave their iniquities and did not destroy them. Time after time he restrained his anger and did not stir up his full wrath."

Like with Israel, time and time again, God has rescued me, forgiven me, and chased me down to bring me back home.

When I look at this psalm I thank God, remembering all that He has done for me. I am not perfect and never will be even close, but I am learning more and more each day that even though I am just like Israel, God is still God and that will always be enough for my failures.

I am Israel. It means that I am broken. I have messed up in so many ways, but God is always there to receive me again. Even after all I have done, after all the places I have been, after what I have said, what I have thought, and the things I should have done but didn’t.

Like the father embracing the prodigal son, he takes me into his loving arms (Luke 15:20) and through what Jesus did on the cross, God looks at me and tells me that He loves me, is pleased with me, and that I am his (Matt 3:17). Like Boaz, when I am hopeless and alone, he provides for and redeems me (Ruth 4:4). Like Hosea, He chases after me when I leave and brings me back into his home and reminds me of who I am in him (Hosea 3:1).

Good Enough

I recently saw this quote by a band I am a fan of, Rend Collective:

“…Maybe you’re wrestling with the phrase ‘good enough’— we all do sometimes. The thing is, we don’t claim our victories for ourselves and toss our failure into the arms of Jesus. He claims them all. He claims us entirely. Which means we’re no longer slaves to our failure or our successes. There’s no longer ‘good enough’, there’s just ‘His’.”

To be totally honest, perfection is something of an idol in my life. Too many moments I find myself striving to be ‘good enough’ instead of truly relying on Jesus to be my enough. I know that God has already defined and redeemed and made me righteous in and through Jesus, yet I still find myself scrambling, trying to be in control of everything and climb the never-ending, totally unforgiving ladder of perfectionism.

In these moments, I am missing out on living life to the full, the life that Jesus said he came to give me (John 10:10). Instead of trusting in the Lord with all my heart and not leaning on myself (Prov 3:5), I am trying to jump through the endless hoops that the world and I lay out, hoping that just one more hoop will bring the promised satisfaction. I find myself trying to prove myself perfect in my own eyes, instead of seeing myself through the eyes of Him who loves and redeems me (Song of Songs 4:7).

God calls us to be like Him. If He is calling us to this, that means we're not there yet. To be like Christ doesn’t mean we have to be perfect. Rather, we are trying to be like Him because we aren’t perfect and He is. We can never be ‘enough’ but, as Christians, we are His and He is more than enough. This is the truth I have to remind myself of daily; this is what we must rest in.

I don't like for people to see me in my less than perfection. I don’t want people to see me struggling, see me with a bad attitude, see my falling short in any way. My pride wants to appear perfect. But pretending to be perfect helps no one. It sets up unfair standards for others who look up to me and it takes away from my testimony. I mean, it was through Jesus’ scars that good ole doubting Thomas believed. Through the sharing of our stories, struggles, messiness, and all round imperfection, maybe— just maybe— we’ll put a little courage and hope in those around us.

Struggles, the big, the small and the ugly, are what make us human. Friends, family, colleagues and even those we randomly interact with in the shops, in airports, etc— we all crave transparency. As humans we desire honesty. And sometimes, all it takes is admitting, “I am not perfect, but God is.” May that be enough.